Communication – Get involved!

October 2013 Newsletter

Dr. gloria wright

With every exchange we have influence. It’s like we each have our own radio program. What do you put out there when you’re “On Air”? Some people have a talk show – but offer no exchange with the call-ins. They just run a stream of consciousness without having any content of substance. They just ramble on and on about anything that comes to mind. It’s like a tape recording of previous stories told. These are the people we hope not to sit beside on the plane trip. They’re talking, but nobody’s home….

Irene de Castillejo, a feminine Jungian analyst, wrote the book Knowing Woman. In the  book she talks about truly “meeting” people, even for the first time. From the first encounter you experience them as present, authentic, soulful, open and transparent. You feel as if you know them from the start. Conversing with them is a treat. The exchange is meaningful and of substance. You see them and they see you. We crave to be seen and to see others. In our modern age of social media, there is a lot of surface exchange. A lot of talk about “doing” but not always revealing who we really are. Activity buddies are easier than soulful relationships, but not very fulfilling.

A guide to Connected Communication:


Do Don’t
Be Sincere Ramble on and on
Dialogue with meaning; be intentional Have just talking as your goal
Stay engaged with the listener Let your mind wander; stay tuned
Be forthright Be inconsiderate or insensitive
Be sure you’re being heard Have a one-way dialogue
When listening, reflect the deeper meaning Be evasive or vague
Say what is important to you and the listener Be trite and surface
Use your “radio” time wisely Be self absorbed

Thomas Moore, in Care of the Soul, says soul has to do with genuineness and depth. He continues, “Fulfilling work, rewarding relationships, personal power, and relief from [neurotic] symptoms are all gifts of the soul.” He lists symptoms of a life without soul: emptiness, meaninglessness, vague depression, disillusionment, and yearning for personal fulfillment. He further explains that soul “has to do with depth, value, relatedness, heart and personal substance.” In interviewing Peak Performers, I found them to be soulful. They sought counsel. They had “reality checks” in their lives. They had the ability to re-frame and learn lessons through dealing with transition.

The risks are higher when you are truly present and revealing, but the rewards are monumental. Engaging conversation is exactly that: engaging, for both parties. A good conversation touches you in some way. It leaves you with a sense of being heard. It lingers like a good meal or good glass of wine. The exchange may leave you with a smile, a sense of wonder, some new information, or a deep sharing with another person. This is not likely to happen if you just have yourself on your mind. “Seek to know; then to be known.” When others interact with us on a deep level there is a sense of awe and wonder.